I was talking to my favorite little sister a while ago. (Hi sis!) She told me this rather valuable piece of advice.

Oh wait. . .

I'm forgetting back story! How could I possibly do such a thing?!

Faramir likes his sleep. A lot! He also lives in the ranks of night people. He's not extreme. He doesn't prowl about until the wee hours of the morning and then sleep all day. But he sure likes to stay up late and wake up late.

Faramir married a morning person. An I'm-chipper-and-ready-to-go-at-6:30-am kind of person. A person who starts to melt at about 5:00 pm.

That would be me, in case you are confused.

Yeah. Faramir's late night habits really drive me nuts. I was brought up in a house where the day was considered over by 10:00 in the morning. My house was the type where 7:00 am was considered sleeping in.

Of course I assumed that this was the only proper way to conduct ones life. I would urge Faramir to wake up. I would get extremely angry when he wouldn't wake up. I would get mildly annoyed when he would stay up late and watch a movie or read. (Not that I don't ever stay up late and read. Nope. Not me. Not until 5:00 in the morning. Frequently. Nope.) (Did you catch the sarcasm there?)

This particular little difference between us was causing me much grief.

However, I was not discussing this with my little sister at the time that she gave me her valuable advice.

The Guy, as he is affectionately known online, is my little sister's husband. He's awesome. When he married my little sister, he told her (are you listening, here comes the good stuff) that he would only bring things that were bugging him up three times. He felt that if he had to bring it up more than that she obviously wasn't going to change and that he needed to find a way to live with what was bugging him.

This has affected their marriage a couple of ways I think. One: she really thinks when he tells her stuff, because she knows that it's only going to come a couple more times. (The Guy is very laid back. He's not going to bring it up unless it's a problem.) And two, she's starting to learn to let things go.

I'm so very glad she told me this. (Love you Seamore!)

It really hit me. Hard. Especially in the aforementioned little character difference between Faramir and I. I had been harboring all this anger at Faramir for sleeping. Poor guy! Hearing my little sister say this allowed me to stop being angry. It allowed me to let him be different than me. Nothing has changed as far as our sleeping habits, but I am so much more at peace with myself and with him.

I know there are times when you probably need to bring things up more than three times. But one of the things hearing this allowed me to do was to differentiate between real problems and me making mountians out of mole-hills. Even some times with big things I am now able to step back and say, "He's going at his pace. I'm going at mine. He's ahead of me here and I'm ahead of him there. It'll all even up. It's all good."

Seamore? Tell The Guy thanks for me, okay?
8 Responses

  1. Brillig Says:

    Oh my gosh, you guys sounds just like us. Except reversed. Hubby is the early-to-bed-early-to-rise one around here. I'm the night owl. I have tried- OH how I've tried!- to become one of those morning people. It just doesn't happen. It screws me all up. I lie awake for hours and hours, no matter how tired I am, and then suddenly the alarm goes off and I sleep through it for an hour.


    I realize that this post wasn't really about sleeping habits. But I felt the need to share mine anyway. :-D

    I like the three times rule...

  2. Linda Says:

    Love you too! And I'll tell him thanks.

  3. Kimberly Says:

    What a great realization it is that we don't have to be angry over the things that are just plain different about us. Acceptance is a big part of having love and harmony in the home - yay for Linda saying the right thing at the right time and all!

  4. Melanie J Says:

    It's really effective. My husband is so uncritical that if he said anything to me even ONCE I'd probably never do it again. I need to be more like that.

  5. L.T. Elliot Says:

    What a great rule! I think we might just incorporate it!

  6. Kazzy Says:

    Yes, the differences in our marriages really can be tricky, but they also add some texture to the experience. I am glad you have peace. :)

  7. My husband is the early chirpy one and I am the night owl. But this post is amazing! I need to start applying it in many of my relationships!