Luisa over at Novembrance just recycled a post, and it really got me thinking.
You should go read it if you haven't already.
Are you back yet?
Phew.
So, at the very end she talks about where her strength comes from, and then questions whether she really relies on it or not.
That would be me.
I'm in a bit of a slump right now. The ever present rash has chosen to invade again. My husband is still only working part time. (That may change soon. Prayers Please!) My house is a disaster and my children are bickering all the time.
Okay, I'm exaggerating on the children thing, but not by much.
After reading Luisa's post I began thinking about where my lack of faith is causing my slump.
I immediately shied away from the answer. I don't even know what the answer is, and I shied away from it. My inner demon-or-something immediately asked if I really wanted to know, because knowing would bring about the responsibility for change, and apparently I'm enjoying slump-land.
I've done this before. There are a lot of questions out there that I've held back on because I've known that once I know the answer things will have to change.
I don't particularly like that about myself. I don't like running away from the hard stuff. I know that life will throw it back at me if I run away. I don't want to have to learn everything the hard way.
And yet I shied away from truth this morning.
You should go read it if you haven't already.
Are you back yet?
Phew.
So, at the very end she talks about where her strength comes from, and then questions whether she really relies on it or not.
That would be me.
I'm in a bit of a slump right now. The ever present rash has chosen to invade again. My husband is still only working part time. (That may change soon. Prayers Please!) My house is a disaster and my children are bickering all the time.
Okay, I'm exaggerating on the children thing, but not by much.
After reading Luisa's post I began thinking about where my lack of faith is causing my slump.
I immediately shied away from the answer. I don't even know what the answer is, and I shied away from it. My inner demon-or-something immediately asked if I really wanted to know, because knowing would bring about the responsibility for change, and apparently I'm enjoying slump-land.
I've done this before. There are a lot of questions out there that I've held back on because I've known that once I know the answer things will have to change.
I don't particularly like that about myself. I don't like running away from the hard stuff. I know that life will throw it back at me if I run away. I don't want to have to learn everything the hard way.
And yet I shied away from truth this morning.
The part of yourself you don't like is the human part. The natural man part. It's the part that we're here to conquer - it's a big part of the answer to the "Why are we here on earth?" question.
Humility is tough stuff. On the surface it sounds like such a sweet and nice characteristic. Oh yes, I want to be humble, that sounds lovely...but the bit that sometimes gets forgotten about is how dang HARD it is to be actively humbled. It hurts. We have to face up to the ways in which we've been prideful. We have to face up to our faults.
ANYONE would shy away from that. I know I do.
I so hear you on this. I was just saying the other day that I want to be a good independent learner because I REALLY don't want Heavenly Father to have to set in a teach me a lesson.
A hard lesson to learn, but often times the dreading the answer is harder for me than actually acting on the answer.
Either way, I hope it get easier.
Luisa's post had the same effect on me. It told me that I had some major soul-searching to do, but then I ran away from actually doing it. Because once I know, I'll have to do something about it. And even though I know I HAVE to do it, I'm hiding from myself right now...
I loved Luisa's post too.
However, reading yours brings to mind a different view that I hadn't considered. You said, " I shied away from it...because knowing would bring about the responsibility for change..." and I found myself thinking that we do the same thing when it comes to pain. All humanity shies from pain or the experience that brings us pain. It is both a mechanism of learning and an instinct to keep us whole. Yes, sometimes we must push through pain to be cleansed by fire but sometimes we also come up against unnecessary pain too.
I don't know your particular challenge but I guess I just wanted to say that I don't want you to hurt. Sometimes it isn't always a "slump" of necessary change. Sometimes it is the Father's gentle warning to avoid a different pain. And sometimes it is merely that someone loves you and doesn't want you to be hurt. *hugs*
I am a pretty good denier, not only of bad stuff, but of stuff I just don't feel like dealing with.
And slumps are SO real. I can be lucid enough to ask myself, "Why am in the rut? This weird place?" But I am not quite with it enough to do something about it. I think it is kind of like when you are riding waves in the ocean. Sometimes you just let the wave roll and you relax and ride it out. Things pass. Struggles can pass.
Thanks for your post. Good luck to us all.
Oh, I hate to be the cause of mental trauma. Slump-land is so very comfy, isn't it?
Hugs to you, friend.
Oh how I do this too. I get frustrated with my running because you'd think I'd realize by now that it's always much easier to tackle the demon and get over it painfully than to run and run forever.
If that made any sense at all.
In short, I get it.
This has been me this last year.