I know, I already have a post titled this, but since it's about the same thing, I figured I'd do it again.

Music makes me so happy. And sad. And nostalgic. And goofy.

Isn't it fun?

Think about it. I have been all over the place tonight. One song can transport me back to the high school gymnasium where we are jumping up and down and banging on imaginary doors. It's "The Love Shack". Not exactly the best of songs, but I listen to it and I'm back in a dance dress singing at the top of my lungs and generally feeling glorious.

Or "Night and Day" comes on and I'm taken back to the many days I would watch old movies with my little sister. I remember the Cary Grant/Cole Porter version that I loved, and I am saddened a little when I remember finding out that the movie was a big lie. I also remember all those gazillion Fred Astaire movies and how much I loved watching them and watching him dance.

Abba comes on and I remember the job I held until right before I got married. I worked for a company that sold Christmas ornaments. They worked out of their basement. The two guys who owned it loved Abba. I think they put the Best of Abba cd on every day.

"Mountain Music" comes on and I'm back in a bluegrass band and singing and playing and having a ball.

"Amazing Grace" with bagpipes comes on and I think of Star Trek and that date that I went on where we were at a Festival of Trees and a pipe band started from the back of the (huge) auditorium and played Scottish fight songs all the way up. I was rooted to the floor. (Did you know I love bagpipes, down to my toes?) I couldn't get over how awesome if felt to be listening to that. It also brings back an ex-boyfriend who was the drum major for a high school pipe band and the time I interrupted his routine to tell him I'd go to a dance with him.

Then Rachmaninoff second piano concerto comes on and I'm just transported it. I've been in the orchestra for it twice. This piece of music makes my top ten list every time I hear it. I love to play it and I love to listen to it.

I've been all over the place tonight listening to my playlist. (You can find it here)

Including in tears.

It was all Rascal Flatt's fault!

You know that we've been having work issues--like so many others right now. I've also been instituting life changes (counting calories--a lot of work) and struggling with my children--Seth in particular. I also made some pretty hefty new-years resolutions and I feel like suddenly I've hit a wall and I'm ready to stop being so resolution-ey. Earlier this evening I was done. Done trying. I was snapping at my kids, hating myself, and not caring that counting calories has helped me to finally get past my weight hump. I wanted to go indulge and eat a Wendee's huge triple burger and a mega-super-sized fries and, since I'm at Wendee's anyway, a mega-super-sized Frosty. I wanted to burn my sewing machine and read and read and play stoopid compuder gamz and wach my IQ drop by the sekund.

So I read to the kids and then buried myself in the office to force myself to write and try and get past the chapter that was killing me. To really show myself that I was stronger than I was feeling. It wasn't really working for a while. The background music was just that.

Then Rascal Flatts came on. And I cried. I cried in frustration. I cried with my heart singing those words to Faramir and to my family. I cried as I tried to get the words down into my soul, to sing those words to me. And, if you can imagine it--which you probably can't, because I can only think of a few of you who've heard me sing--I sing it to you.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. . .

I'm not a pansy and neither are you. If you forget it, just sing this song to yourself and pretend it's me.
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6 Responses
  1. Kimberly Says:

    You know I hate country music but I LOVE that sound. I'm in tears too, hun, that was so, so beautiful. I love how you find motivation through music. You're amazing, even if you don't feel very amazing right now. ~hugs~

  2. Rachmaninoff's second is one of my all time faves and I also love bagpipe music unto death. Do you have All The Best From Scotland Vol II? 35 great favories made in Canada. Anyway, LOVE IT! I have a few others, as well. Anyway, I totally relate to the wanting to just go off the diet (it seems esp. hard when you have actually had some success, doesn't it?) and just the whole being tired with the challenges, like life won't make room for any of the good stuff and it is so hard! But they do come. And music sure helps in the meantime!

  3. Me, too.

    Especially the paragraph with this sentence in it: "Done trying. I was snapping at my kids, hating myself, and not caring that counting calories has helped me to finally get past my weight hump."

    It's been a bad week.

    (((HUGS))) to both of us ... and let's keep dreaming and remembering we CAN change.

  4. Laine Says:

    Aww, Dedee, i cry at that song too. That is Xander's birth mother's song to him, and we have a video of them and him and it's to that song. It's a great song. I'm sorry you're hitting the wall. Keep on pushing at it, you'll get stronger even when you don't know it (remember the story about the man pushing the boulder?). I'm praying for you. love you, elaine

  5. Music does this for me too. I heart Rascal Flatts :)

    You have a post up at the Annex today. Comments won't come directly to your inbox, so you may want to check in here and there. Thanks!

  6. Linda Says:

    Just spent an enjoyable afternoon with your playlist playing in the background. Way too many crazy memories! Love you tons!