So this week has been one of questions. Questioning myself and this whole blogging thing. Am I just wasting my time? Then I think of something to write about and then forget it a few minutes later. Am I typing anything of worth to anyone out there? Am I spending enough time doing housework? Am I spending enough time with my kids--especially the one that I have at home by himself for three hours a day now? Is the time I spend reading time well spent? (The answer the that one is obvious. Sometimes yes and sometimes no.) I've been really questioning a lot of things. The problem is, sometimes there are no good answers.

I really hate that.

So lets talk about those questions.

Am I just wasting my time on my blog? I'm still not sure yet. My dad and I had a conversation the other day about this. He thought I was wasting my time until I told him that I was trying to be a missionary. He kind-of shut up at that one. But am I really doing that? I don't try to hide my religion, but I don't really talk it up either. I don't want to be one of those people who spends my whole time telling you how great what I believe is, because I get turned off by people like that. I really love my religion. (I'm LDS, btw) I love the peace and joy that it brings to my life. It's not an easy religion to live, but I'm trying to do my best.

Most of the time. Sometimes I wonder about my conversion factor because I'm a human being and I can't do my best all the time. I fall short so many times. I'm trying to learn that I am a human being and therefore imperfect and to put my trust in Jesus Christ, but I still struggle. I read too much. I probably spend too much time on the computer (Oh, I love things about the blogging world!). I tend to get wrapped up in my own little world.

So, am I wasting my time--especially as most of my readers are of my own religion? Still undecided.

Am I typing anything of worth to anyone out there? Still not sure. I like to do book reviews. I don't feel like I've had a lot to say recently that makes a difference to anyone but me, but maybe that's enough? Do I have to stop the world with my wit and wisdom? I'd like to-when I'm being particularly honest with myself. But do I have to?

Did I say there weren't any good answers?

Am I spending enough time doing housework? Umm, this one, unfortunately, is easy. No. Given the current state of my living room, where I currently sit typing this post, I really can't argue that one. My problem is that I'm an inherently selfish being. I don't want to clean my living room. I want to chat with friends online or read a book, or play with my kids. I'm trying to make some baby steps in the cleaning department, but it takes time and I'm fighting my own worst self on this one. (Don't get me wrong, the state department does not need to come and pick me up. It's not that bad. It's just not as clean as I'd like it to be. . .but apparently I don't want it to be cleaner enough to clean it. Ah me!)

Am I spending enough time with my kids? Again, not sure. I spend a lot of time trying to motivate them (read, yell at them) to do chores and get ready for things like school. But I feel like I've been losing that battle of late. We are going to have another Family Home Evening on the chores issue. I can't get anyone to do things that actually need to be done now. I've got one who is happy to clean cupboard doors, even the cupboards themselves, but my living room and kitchen sink need it more. Gosh, my trying to figure out answers to questions is just bringing up more questions. How do I make my kids do chores. I thought we had a pretty good thing going, but it seems to have fallen apart lately.

Is the time I spend reading well spent? Sometimes yes. I just finished the recent biography of John Adams by David McCullough. This was an astounding book! I cried when he died, and that's quite impressive for a biography. I loved it. I'm going to go buy it soon. It was such a well done biography. It wasn't necessarily an easy read. It took me 3-4 days to get through, and that's a long time for me. There were times when I wanted to just say, "Hey, get on with it here, enough of the details!" But the details are what makes this biography stand out.

Sometimes maybe--I just finished reading "Where the Red Fern Grows". This is an OK written book, written in a simpler time. But it still tugged at my heart strings. I was thankful this week to read not one but two books where a belief in God was paramount in the main person's life. John Adams had a firm belief in God and was a founding father that I would want my children to learn about and emulate. "Where the Red Fern Grows" was also very nice in the belief in God department. It was nice to hear about a boy who believed, received evidences of his belief and then, when there was a struggle in his belief, was able to find his answers. It is nice to read a book where I didn't have to cringe at something. Actually, I have to be frank, I did cringe at a couple of lines about "They were girls and girls just didn't get it." The mild pocket of feminism that lives in a secluded corner in my heart wanted to smack him. But again, a different life, a different time.

Sometimes No. I didn't read any book this week that I firmly regret reading. But I have in the past. ~cough~Twilight~cough~

~She makes a mad dash for the exit as the masses rise up in protest at her not liking Twilight.~

So there are just a few of the questions that are running around in my head. There's always the issue of my front yard, and the fact that someday I want to buy a house, and the concerns with my children, and . . .

Sometimes I hate being an adult. I'd like to go back to the time when the hardest questions were only what to read and what to wear. Oh wait, I still have those questions. I'm trying to overhaul my wardrobe. I don't feel like I look good in a lot of what I currently own. I'm in the hunt for cute shirts especially. Any ideas?

By the way, for what it's worth, my husband bought a telescope this weekend and tonight I have now seen the moon--very cool--and Jupiter. It's not the greatest telescope, but I've never seen those things before. Awesome!
5 Responses
  1. Kimberly Says:

    So many of the questions you ask here are questions I ask myself (and answer similarly, too). Balance. I'm starting to hate that word because it crops up so much in all this talk of prioritizing our time now that we have the great magnet of the internet and blogging tugging at us all the time.

    What's coming clear for me is that I need to do what matters most first, or else I might never do it at all. My family, my home, then my computer time. I think that's the order it should be in. Not to say "No computer till playtime and housework are done", but to make sure that if the kids interrupt me to ask them to play while I'm reading a blog I don't say, "Sorry, Mommy's reading."

    I think that's it really. We need to arrange our schedules so that we're not too busy for what matters most.

  2. I love what Kimberly said.

    And I hear you too. I struggle a lot with too much time at one thing or another and with the content of my blog as well.

    If it feeds your spirit a bit to sit down and read and write, then it's a good thing. In small doses.

    We all have to work on the small doses so our children and homes don't fall apart around us (:

    I'm so guilty of neglecting things and work every day to try to organize my time better.

    Thank you for your honesty here,

  3. charrette Says:

    Ditto the two experts above. :)

    And you don't seem to be wasting your time, because your posts seem to be very thoughtful and uplifting.

    I also think it's important for every mother to have something she does for herself. Something that lifts her, builds her, uses her talents, and makes her feel whole. And blogging is a relatively cost-free, low-maintenance answer to that long as it's kept in balance.

  4. EEEEMommy Says:

    I could have written most of this post. These are issues we have to wrestle through. I could say a lot, but all I will say is that I can't believe it only took you 4 days to read John Adams. I love it, but I've been reading it since July and I'm not even half-way through it. It's just not the type of book I can plow through. LOL

    I hope you don't quit blogging! I like reading your blog, even though I can be really sporadic!

  5. I loved reading this insightful post. I, too, have so many of the same questions. I wish I just had more answers right now.

    By the way, I read "Where the Red Fern Grows" when I was in the 5th grade and instantly fell in love with it. It is one of the few books that I can read over and over again, probably because of all the memories I associate with reading it.