I used to be a community musical theater participant. I was in a lot of plays. Some body's own written Guinevere and Lancelot thing--written for a children's theater so it had a much happier ending, i.e. Guinevere was faithful and Lancelot had another girlfriend, but what are stories for if not to change. I was in Annie Get Your Gun and The Music Man. Oh, and the Pirates of Penzance. I was mostly a towns person, there to fill the stage and sing loud. And I was in Carousel.

The great thing about Carousel and Pirates was that I was old enough to flirt, and was I ever a flirt. If you're one of the people who knew me under another name, you know the whole saga! I was about 14 when I was in Carousel and I remember one day being very upset that I wouldn't be able to date one of the guys before he graduated--and I think I told him that--which is rather pathetic now that I think about it.

My worries were small when I was in musical theater. I was a dumb 14 year old whose aim in life was to wink at the one boy I was particularly hanging out with and see if I could get him to crack a smile. Every night. During the performance. It got to the point that he stopped looking at me because he always cracked. I apparently had a very powerful wink for a 14-year-old.

And we sang that song every night at the end of the performance. I don't remember feeling anything other than relief that today's performance was over. I got to play the snotty kid that makes fun of the main girl in the second act, and then she ripped my very cute hat off and chased me off the stage or something like that.

In college when I would hear this song, I would be filled with emotion.

"Oh!" ~a sob catches in my throat~ "I can make it through this horrible week of homework! Just because he didn't call me to wish me luck on my final, I'll be alright." ~sniff~ And then I would walk on my way, lighter and more able to cope with it all.

Now I listen to the song and want to smack somebody. Especially when things are bad.

Well, maybe not really, but sort-of.

Sometimes I get tired of holding my head up high. Sometimes I am afraid of the dark, because the unknown can be very scary. It's easy to not to be able to see the light at the end of the Road. And sometimes the light at the end of the road goes out when you get there. Or the Road takes few quick turns and suddenly the light is gone.

And the Lark. It's raining. What Lark do you know that sings in the rain?

Oh, I'm bitter about that song. Sometimes my feet hurt and my heart aches and the blister that is fear grows bigger and bigger. I can't keep going. I can't keep doing. I can't do it again!

And yet, after approximately 20 years, I still have the song memorized.

And I still pick up my feet and move on.

Maybe what I've learned since then is that sometimes you have to find a rock on the side of the road and add your tears to the tears of those who came before.

Because then you can get up again, and walk on.

Thanks Kim, for being my rock today. I don't walk alone.