I used to be a community musical theater participant. I was in a lot of plays. Some body's own written Guinevere and Lancelot thing--written for a children's theater so it had a much happier ending, i.e. Guinevere was faithful and Lancelot had another girlfriend, but what are stories for if not to change. I was in Annie Get Your Gun and The Music Man. Oh, and the Pirates of Penzance. I was mostly a towns person, there to fill the stage and sing loud. And I was in Carousel.

The great thing about Carousel and Pirates was that I was old enough to flirt, and was I ever a flirt. If you're one of the people who knew me under another name, you know the whole saga! I was about 14 when I was in Carousel and I remember one day being very upset that I wouldn't be able to date one of the guys before he graduated--and I think I told him that--which is rather pathetic now that I think about it.

My worries were small when I was in musical theater. I was a dumb 14 year old whose aim in life was to wink at the one boy I was particularly hanging out with and see if I could get him to crack a smile. Every night. During the performance. It got to the point that he stopped looking at me because he always cracked. I apparently had a very powerful wink for a 14-year-old.

And we sang that song every night at the end of the performance. I don't remember feeling anything other than relief that today's performance was over. I got to play the snotty kid that makes fun of the main girl in the second act, and then she ripped my very cute hat off and chased me off the stage or something like that.

In college when I would hear this song, I would be filled with emotion.

"Oh!" ~a sob catches in my throat~ "I can make it through this horrible week of homework! Just because he didn't call me to wish me luck on my final, I'll be alright." ~sniff~ And then I would walk on my way, lighter and more able to cope with it all.

Now I listen to the song and want to smack somebody. Especially when things are bad.

Well, maybe not really, but sort-of.

Sometimes I get tired of holding my head up high. Sometimes I am afraid of the dark, because the unknown can be very scary. It's easy to not to be able to see the light at the end of the Road. And sometimes the light at the end of the road goes out when you get there. Or the Road takes few quick turns and suddenly the light is gone.

And the Lark. It's raining. What Lark do you know that sings in the rain?

Oh, I'm bitter about that song. Sometimes my feet hurt and my heart aches and the blister that is fear grows bigger and bigger. I can't keep going. I can't keep doing. I can't do it again!

And yet, after approximately 20 years, I still have the song memorized.

And I still pick up my feet and move on.

Maybe what I've learned since then is that sometimes you have to find a rock on the side of the road and add your tears to the tears of those who came before.

Because then you can get up again, and walk on.

Thanks Kim, for being my rock today. I don't walk alone.

9 Responses
  1. Life! It can be so darn inconvenient at times. So, what was your favorite song in Pirates? I love musicals, every single one, but I esp. love Pirates, but mostly the Kevin Kline version--the others are just a bit too staid.

  2. Eowyn Says:

    Ooh. I haven't see the Kevin Kline version.

    Favorite song? The one I didn't get to sing. The Modern Major General. I had to learn it at the beginning of rehearsals, but I was actually a cop, so I didn't get to actually sing it.

  3. charrette Says:

    Your former flirtiness sounds like my current 14-year-old daughter! Oh, and I share your mixed feelings about that song. They sang it at my mother's funeral. Although no one requested it, because my mother actually hated it.

    It sounds like all is not well in Rivendell. I understand the tears along the pathway, believe me. I'm glad Kim was there for you today. You are not alone.

  4. Emily Says:

    How have I never heard that song before?

    And hate those days where life is just crappy. It's days like those, the I wish I had a Fast Forward Button. :)

    I'm sorry that your kids are sick, I hope they get feeling better soon!

  5. Kimberly Says:

    This just made me all teary...and giggly at the same time. You're amazing and I love you to bits!

  6. I actually like this song, but ONLY certain versions of it.

    You are definitely not alone. Some how we will survive this sojourn called life ... we can learn to find abundance together!

    Thanks for your honesty! Many hugs to you!

  7. Oh you...

    What Kimberly said :)

  8. I love this song! Truly. We sang this at my Catholic High School graduation mass. The non-Catholic kids still had to attend the mass, and we learned this song, and it has held a sentimental meaning for me through all these years.

    Hang in there. Unfortunately walking through the rain in real life does not include a pretty soundtrack, but the song still speaks the truth: you'll never be alone.

  9. EEEEMommy Says:

    Praying for you today, friend!

    Grace and Peace,