My mom just called.

My aunt is in the hospital.

She had a stroke.

She's not improving, after 30 hours.

Things like this get me down a little. Well, maybe a lot. How on earth do I put into words what I am feeling?

This is the aunt who sent my husband a card and $5.00, congratulating him on his graduation. Cheap you say? No. My aunt has very little. Shall I tell you what my aunt has. A broken down old house. An ex-husband who is a jerk to her. Money if her ex happens to "remember" to give it to her. 4 children, half of whom hate her.

Shall I tell you what else my aunt has. The biggest heart ever. The desire to hang out with 103 year old ladies to help them. A huge hug for me when I see her. Forgiveness for the jerk of an ex. A re-newed love of and belief in the gospel of Jesus Christ. 4 children, half of whom love her. I am so blessed to know her.

According to the doctors, her prognosis is good. She was cognisant enough to recognize what was going on and call 911 herself.

But she's not improving.

I'm faced with my own mortality. I'm faced with my parents' mortality. My aunt is 68. My mom is 67. Sisters. Their time is coming.

My heart hurts for what I know is coming. My heart hurts for her family, some of whom are there with her right now. My heart hurts for my mom and dad, knowing that they hear this and recognize that it could happen to them, and that their time is getting short.

The inevitability of this threatens to crush me. It's going to happen, some day. And yet, it's going to happen. As my mom said, when she called me to tell me about this, "We have to keep moving forward, and forward for all of us is eventually with Heavenly Father."

I'm grateful for the gospel. Because forward is eventually with Heavenly Father and life. I cannot imagine believing that forward is eventually dead. (I know, it is dead, but with the gospel, it's so much more than dead.)

And yet. . .